Moron Mom

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I’m sure many of you recall those famous words uttered at you in anger by one or both of your parents when you were growing up: “I hope when you have kids, they turn out exactly like you!” And I’m sure the other have of the unspoken curse was, “Or ten times worse to stick it to you because of all the pain and misery you cause me, you little brat!”

Well, congratulations mom! Your family curse (that I’m sure has been passed down through the ages) is quite successful. That darling little eleven year old girl you refer to as your “Bella” and I refer to as the…

Now just give me a chance to explain here. I realize that in many areas of my life, I am probably considered “old fashioned.” I blame this on a couple of things: 1. I’m 100% Italian. No other cultures mixed in. Okay, mom was born in Canada, but her father was born in Italy. Her mother was born in Canada. But HER father was born in Italy. Get the picture? 2. I’m Catholic. 3. I attended a Catholic school for the first five years of my education with some very strict, scary nuns who still donned the full habit. 4. If you messed up at home and didn’t tow the line, there was hell to pay. It was called “Crime and Punishment” I can still feel the sting just thinking about it. Ergo, I was born with an extra gene. The Italian, Catholic, Female guilt gene.

If I mouthed off to my mother the way my kid mouths off to me now, I’d of gotten a back hand across the face. However, my parents would have waited until we were in the seclusion of our own home if the offense happen in a public place. If it happened in the house, the punishment response would have been faster than an Olympic Timer could clock. You see, it was all about RESPECT in my house. That is what I’m trying to convey to both our kids. There’s an eight year old brother learning the bad habits off the eleven year old.

You’re probably asking yourself, “Why is this called Moron Mom?” Good question. I’m getting there. Remember how you used to look at your parents and just roll your eyes at their sage words of wisdom? Now you realize that they weren’t just blowing smoke up your tail pipe. They were actually trying to save you the trouble from making those really stupid mistakes that they already made themselves. But noooooo! We had to go and live through them for ourselves anyway.

So here I am now, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am a mom and I have my mom, which I am very grateful for to have still with us. However, mom is not in the best of health. So, between my siblings and myself we care for her. I get most of the chauffeur duties to doctor appointments, hospital runs, filling her pill box, etc. Then I have my demanding daughter. Both of them think I’m some sort of moron. At least that’s how I view it.

Both are impatient. I swear they think I don’t know what I’m doing. My mother questions everything I do before I can even process what she’s throwing at me because I’ve just walked in the door. I have no clue what she’s talking about. My daughter is constantly asking me to drive her some place or asking me to do something for her. Yet I ask one thing of her I get a laundry list of excuses. How many times can I take away every electronic thing that she owns before she’ll get a clue from the clue box? Common sense is hard to come by these days.

I’ve actually openly asked both my daughter and mother if they believe I am a moron. Sheepishly my daughter replied no. Screaming at me I can’t even remember what my mother said. I think it was no. Hence, my opening song~~ I wanna be sedated. Take me back to my carefree days of high school. Roaming the halls with my Rolling Stones Magazine. Hanging out after school in the theatre for play practice. Gee and I thought keeping up my GPA was a rough gig. Who knew. It’s even rougher being a moron mom.


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